DEAR SWITZERLAND...

Where do I start? We've been together for almost four years now and we've been through so much together in that time. You're lovely and you've been so good to me. But, Switzerland, you're frustrating and you make me mad as hell at times. You're pernickety little ways. But lets not dwell on that... we've had some good times, meals out, walks around the lake, remember that time we went to the zoo? You've been there for me in my early days of motherhood, watched me mess up over and over and didn't tell a soul. We have so many special memories that nobody can take from us. You are beautiful, absolutely stunning, if truth be told. Everybody says so. I could look at your beauty all the live long day but I need to be honest with myself Switzerland... and I need to be honest with you. I owe you that much. The truth is, I need more. It's not you, it's me. I need more than your mountains, your lakes, your vineyards, your ski season, your clean air and your wonderful summers. 

I need to understand and converse with the old couple admiring my children... if she is admiring them? Whatever she's saying, she's saying it with a smile so I can only assume. I need to understand the old lady criticising me for not having a hat on baby's little fair head. I'm getting her drift but I can't retort. I need to be able to tell that judgemental old crow to mind her own bloody business, that he has SPF50 on his head and that will have to do because, you see, you old bint, he keeps pulling his damn hat off.

I need to understand my mail without google translate.

I need soft play centres, however germ ridden they may be.

I need restaurants with sensible opening hours and a menu with enough choices to suit whatever mood I might be in.

I need a bakery that stays open between 12-2pm (while we're here, a word to the wise... you need to advise your local food businesses that they're really missing a trick closing over lunch time!)

I need a bag of ice that costs a quid.

I need Heinz.

I need Galaxy. 

I need Kingsmill.

I need Jaffa Cakes. 

I need to be able to pick up the phone to make enquiries about this, that or t'other without having to prepare my questions and pronunciation in advance.

I need restaurants that are open on Sundays.

I need pub grub. I need pork belly and roasties. I need roast beef and yorkshire puds. 

I need KFC. Don't you DARE judge me.

I need double trolleys.

I need a 24hr Tesco's,

I need M&S... oh sweet M&S with your profiterole stack and carrot and swede mash!

I need Waitrose.

I need shops that don't close at 6pm.

 

Damn it Switzerland, I need Bluewater!

My mind is made up. I've thought about it for a long time. You and I, we were never a forever thing anyway. It was always meant to be casual. You knew that. My heart has always been with Blighty. He's the one I really love. He gives me more. You know I've seen him from time to time since we've been together. I've never hidden that from you... you've seen me smuggle the car loads of bargains and treats he can offer across your borders. He knows how I tick. He knows my family and friends. He speaks my language.

So Switzerland, you beautiful beast. It's over. Let's quit while we're ahead. I'm going back.

Back to what I know and love.

 

He's far away from perfect but, my goodness, he's Great. Switzerland, I'm going back to Blighty.